


Hey sugar, you rationed?

by Heart_Of_Steel_And_Fandoms



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Activist!Steve, And it all hurts, Awesome!Sarah, Everything is Stucky, Fits in Canon verse, Gen, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, ObliviousButAlsoSecretlyPining!Steve, Pre-war friendship, Punk!Steve (ish), i should be sleeping right now, oh well, pining!bucky, pre-serum steve, sleep is for the weak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:12:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8590297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heart_Of_Steel_And_Fandoms/pseuds/Heart_Of_Steel_And_Fandoms
Summary: They meet as childrenIn a back alleyBehind some dinerIn Brooklyn...Or; a snapshot of Steve and Bucky's life pre-war through Bucky's eyes, and a reflection on the evolution of his love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A handful of hours and tags later, I still don't know what I'm doing. Oh well. Enjoy!

They meet as children  
In a back alley  
Behind some diner  
In Brooklyn  
And their breaths form clouds in the air  
Because it’s winter  
And freezing  
And Steven Grant Rogers-  
Skin and bones and righteous fury-  
Is being beat up  
For having a smart mouth  
So James Buchanan Barnes-  
“Call me Bucky”-  
Who’s all of seven  
But has a talent for trouble  
That’s rivalled only by Steve’s own  
Steps in  
Throwing punches  
And yelling like he’s the Irish one  
And it’s the start of a terrible wonderful friendship

#

They stagger to Steve’s house  
Slipping on ice  
Grateful for the fact that his ma’s nurse  
In the hospital up the road  
Who fixes Steve’s black eye  
And Bucky’s bloody nose,  
With a fond sort of exasperation  
And Bucky gets the feeling  
That he’s not the only boy in Brooklyn  
With temper issues  
And fists that fly without his permission  
But it’s okay  
Because Steve is worse  
And Bucky’d never thought that possible

#

They’re inseparable then  
With the sort of loyalty rarely shown in reality  
And Steve may start the fights-  
Bucky can’t do anything to stop that  
(Is not sure he wants to  
Because if anyone has a right to destroy the world it’s Steve  
Who’s been betrayed so elegantly by his body  
Which is incapable of keeping up with his lightning and spitfire spirit-  
Not for lack of trying)-  
But Bucky decides at seven  
Watching Steve Rogers push himself up from the frozen ground  
Brush himself off  
And declare  
Through a mouthful of blood  
That he “ain’t some damsel in distress”  
And  
That he “was handlin’ ‘em just fine”  
(Even though he wasn’t and they both know it)  
That Bucky will always be there to end Steve’s fights

#

And if Bucky falls just a little bit in love in that alley  
With Steve’s spirit  
And fire  
And strength like no one he’s ever met  
‘Cept maybe Steve’s ma  
Who’s famous in their neighbourhood for being as quick to burn  
As her Irish heritage would suggest  
‘Specially if someone insults her son-  
Or his Jewish best friend who she’s patched up  
From hundreds of fights-  
He’s much too young to recognise the feeling  
(By the time he’s old enough  
He’s far too in love with his best friend  
To want to stay away  
Even as his dreams-  
Of hot mouths and long fingers-  
Revolve solely around Steve)  
And he sees the fairies  
Down at the docks  
Be cuffed and arrested for immoral behaviour  
Watches as Steve gets in one of his fits about that  
And Bucky tries to ignore the spark of hope  
In his chest  
Because Steve-  
Good, selfless, compassionate Steve-  
Would fight the world  
If he thought it was being unfair-  
Does, every day, when he ignores  
His aching lungs, and jumpy heart, and tilted spine,  
And gets beat up behind malls and diners and houses and the church they go to every Sunday-  
Because Bucky’s ma knows enough about how the world works  
To want to avoid drawing attention  
About what they believe  
And going to a Catholic mass once a week  
Is a small price to pay  
For anonymity-  
Anywhere there’s people  
Steve manages to find the one person  
Who’s a bully  
Or who catcalls dames across the street  
Or who jumps fairies  
Or does something  
(anything)  
Steve doesn’t agree with  
And it’s a special skill  
That Bucky equal parts hates and loves  
Because while it gets Steve hurt  
Makes Bucky rub away the blood drying on his upper lip  
Steve wouldn’t be Steve  
If he weren’t perpetually angry at all the injustices in the world  
If he didn’t run headfirst into danger  
With no thought to himself  
And Bucky’d rather have all of Steve than some of him  
(Even if Steve’s attitude will send him to an early grave  
One of these days)

#

There’s a man in the apartment below them  
Who likes to dress up as dame  
And though Bucky gets angry at the words-  
Flung around like the yellers have a right to judge other people-  
Steve gets furious  
Proudly walking around downtown  
For weeks  
Holding the guy-dame’s hand  
Kissing her on the cheek at her door  
Like a proper gentleman  
And the guy-dame smiles and blushes  
Every  
Time  
And Bucky isn’t jealous  
At all  
(He’s so terribly jealous)  
And the only reason  
Steve doesn’t get ripped apart for it  
Is that he’s already  
Irish, and Asthmatic, and Skinnier than a pencil  
And he has a reputation in Brooklyn for never stopping  
For being sneaky about his revenge  
And everyone in Brooklyn knows where Rogers goes Barnes follows  
And Barnes is just as bad as Rogers is  
And really,  
Half of Brooklyn loves them  
The other half hates them-  
Rogers’n’Barnes-  
The two most troublesome boys in New York  
Most people know not to get on their bad side  
For fear of retribution from the other  
Which is always terrifying and swift  
And they’re both damn crazy;  
It’s a good system

#

Bucky near has a heart attack  
When Steve starts tying himself to poles  
In protest  
In the freezing Brooklyn winter  
When Steve should be _indoors  
What the hell are you thinking, punk?  
You’re gonna catch goddamn pneumonia_  
And Bucky wants to blame Steve’s ma-  
Who dragged her son  
And by extension Bucky  
To protests  
And displays  
And debates  
And meetings  
Since they were old enough  
To understand  
Just how unfair the world is  
To most of its inhabitants-  
But he can’t blame Sarah  
Because sure,  
She may have fanned the flame,  
Fed the anger,  
But the fire within Steve Rogers  
Burned long before Bucky came along  
Burns fast and strong even now  
Ready to explode at a moment’s notice  
And Bucky just feels lucky  
To be the one-  
The only one-  
Who can get close to Steve without getting burned

#

And Bucky’s sixteen  
Newly interested in dames  
(in Steve)  
And he ain’t sure if there’s a God  
But at church  
When Father Mc. Nally  
Preaches against fairies  
And blacks  
And gypsies  
And dames who don’t stay at home to look after their husband’s kids  
Steve goes all glary-eyed  
Snorts loud enough to wake the dead  
Tightens his jaw  
(And his fists)  
And the priest quickly moves on  
Because even God himself ain’t stupid enough  
To get on Steve Roger’s bad side  
And Bucky thinks to himself  
That though there may not be a God  
There is a Steve Rogers  
And for him  
That’s sorta the same thing

#

At seventeen  
Bucky’s kissed enough girls  
To earn himself a reputation  
(Steve laughs ‘til he can’t breathe when Cindy Hopper slaps him)  
But he can’t forget  
How much he wants to put his lips on Steve  
Who,  
At sixteen,  
Has only had three kisses  
And Bucky knows the stories  
Probably better than Steve does  
(And he really wants to be Steve’s fourth  
Or fifth  
Or any, really  
He’d settle for anything  
As long as it means he gets to kiss Steve)

#

They take the boat across to Coney Island  
For Steve’s eighteenth birthday  
And there’s a shared ice-cream  
And Bucky wins a yo-yo  
That he presents to Steve with a flourish  
Like a bouquet of flowers  
And there’s this ache in Bucky’s chest  
At Steve’s small smile  
And he wishes he were able  
To lean over  
Fix his lips to Steve’s  
And kiss him like he’s dreamed of for years  
Instead they ride the Cyclone  
Once  
Twice  
And Steve throws up his half of the ice-cream  
And if people could die from laughing  
Bucky might be afraid for his life  
Because Steve looks so indignant  
His mouth twisted  
With a determination  
Bucky’s been giving into since childhood  
So they ride it again  
Steve pale white  
And knuckles clenched against the metal bars  
But when they reach the ground for the third time  
Steve shoots him a triumphant,  
Smug smile  
And Bucky’s heart thuds harder  
In his chest  
And sometimes it feels  
Like his heart is actually Steve’s  
And he’s just borrowing it  
Until Steve asks for it back  
(He’d trade places if he could)  
(Steve would never let him)

#

"Punk."  
"Jerk."

#

At nineteen  
Steve’s an orphan  
Who holds back tears  
Like he has something to prove  
When they lower his ma into the ground  
And Bucky feels almost like he lost a parent too  
Because Sarah was his ma as much as Steve’s  
Insisted Bucky call her so  
Bought him presents  
When Steve was healthy  
(When he wasn’t  
Every penny they both had  
Was given to try and make him better  
And Bucky regrets nothing  
Because Steve’s a better person  
Than Bucky can ever be  
And he’s so lucky to have known him)  
And Bucky’s just turned twenty  
With a job at the docks  
That pay for Steve’s medication  
And they make a pillow fort  
On the floor  
With couch cushions  
And old tattered blankets  
Because they aren’t kids anymore  
But Sarah’s just died  
And the world seems strangely _less_ somehow  
And Bucky,  
He finally gathers the courage  
To ask Steve to move in with him  
A week later  
And they have two keys  
Because Steve’s got an amazing memory  
For images and colours  
But he always loses his key  
Has to wait for Bucky to find his  
Or let him in  
And it shouldn’t make Bucky fall harder-  
Such a random fact  
Another facet to the wonder that is Steve Rogers-  
But it does  
Like he’s fallin’ from heaven  
Or something  
(Bucky’s never been one for poetics)  
But he’s long since gotten used to the fact that lovin’ Steve Rogers  
Is simultaneously crazy  
And inevitable  
And Bucky’s just hanging on for the ride

#

There are late night laughs  
And stumbling home at three in the morning  
Because another date bails on Steve-  
Bucky’ll never understand dames-  
And Bucky doesn’t want to stay out on his own  
(Steve loses his virginity at nineteen-  
Bucky at twenty-  
Within one week of each other  
Because there’s nothing Steve likes  
As much as a challenge  
And he’s ridiculously charming when he wants to be  
All big blue eyes  
And sandy blonde hair  
And shy smiles  
And Bucky probably  
Definitely  
Shouldn’t spend as much time as he does  
Thinking about his best friend  
In _that_ way-  
Dirty and perverted and wrong and disgusting  
And yet also the greatest thing in his life  
And what does that say about him?)  
And there’s a drunken kiss  
At 2 a.m.  
That neither can remember the next morning

#

And Steve is still mostly indignation  
And righteous fury  
Getting wailed on in every back alley in Brooklyn  
By the incomers that don’t know to avoid him yet  
And there are a lot of cold cloths  
And ice baths  
And bandages  
And all nighters when Steve’s body  
Betrays him yet again  
And Bucky spends so much of his time  
Worried out of his mind  
For his sickly best friend  
Gets adjita every time Steve leaves their apartment  
Or coughs or sneezes or shivers  
Or spends the day in bed because he doesn’t have enough energy to move  
But then,  
Every time,  
Like God refuses to kill Steve Rogers  
The fever breaks  
The coughs stop  
Lungs stop rattling on every inhalation  
And Bucky gets there with the inhaler in time  
And Steve’s back on the streets  
Carrying shopping  
Helping people across the street  
Glaring at the joe who touches the girl in the bar while she shuffles uncomfortably  
Punching the shlub on the corner for something-  
Bucky’s lost count  
And he draws Brooklyn  
And their apartment  
And even Bucky  
Once or twice  
And they’re happy  
Even though they’re dirt poor  
And eat whatever they can  
Whenever they can  
And go on double dates  
And really,  
What is _wrong_ with all the dames in Brooklyn  
That they can’t see how great of a catch Steve is?  
Bucky can’t understand it  
Talks him up for _hours_  
To whoever will listen  
But then he’s twenty-two  
And Germany’s declared war on England  
And Steve is so _angry_ when he hears about what they’re doing  
(He always wanted to go to France  
See Paris  
The ‘city of the arts’  
And now everywhere else is at war  
And they still aren’t  
And the injustice makes Steve bed-ridden for two weeks  
While his anger makes his breathing falter  
And Bucky’s just relieved that all he has to worry about is in Brooklyn  
And not Steve  
Free in the rest of the world  
To fight against bigger men with guns  
And tanks  
And no asthma dragging them down-  
He’s pretty sure that makes him a bad person  
But he doesn’t care  
Not when Steve is safe  
Or as safe as the punk ever is, he supposes)

#

They’re sitting in a cheap art class  
When they hear  
When they feel the air suddenly go tense  
The teacher stiffens  
When she looks out the window  
Turns on the ancient radio at the front of the room  
And then it comes through  
Loud and clear  
That America’s at war  
And when Bucky looks over at Steve  
It’s to the same victorious  
Triumphant  
Vindicated smile  
That’s gotten Bucky into trouble since before he knew the meaning of the word  
And he gets the terrible  
Desperate  
Feeling  
That if he could,  
If he was able,  
He would hide away from the world  
Hide _Steve_ away  
Forget the war  
And the pain  
And everyone else in the world  
And just find a place without anyone else  
Where Steve would be healthy  
And happy  
And safe  
And if that isn’t the worse thing ever for a person to feel-  
That he’d leave country and propriety and home behind,  
All for one skinny, indignant man he has no right to  
(Who is so much more than that  
Is the stars and the moon and the sun  
And Bucky’s never been one to wax poetic  
But _fuck_ if Steve doesn’t make him forget all that)  
Just to keep Steve _safe_ and beside him  
And that’s so goddamn selfish  
Bucky knows  
But it doesn’t stop the hope-  
He doesn’t know what is.


End file.
